Butt out!

Whenever possible, to make some extra money, I volunteer to cover classes for absent teachers. And whenever possible, to gather fodder for this blog, I volunteer to monitor the in-house suspension room. This bit of conversation between two high school sophomores (both female) is from my most recent visit. I am usually fairly confident in my ability to respond quickly and with some kind of wit, but this caught me by such surprise that I quite literally had nothing to say:

R: "Yo, I be lovin' Aeropotale jeans! Ima get my Christmas money and just buy mad jeans from Aeropostale."

K: "You tight, son! I don't know why you love them jeans so much. You look like you got white butt when you wear them! I need them fat booty jeans! I don't need no white butt. No offense mista, but it be all flat and sh*t. Give me them fat booty jeans!"

...for a white guy?

For those readers have ever been in/taught beginning band...

N: "Yo! Let's play 'You Fly'!"

B: "That's not the title, it's actually..."

N: "My fault, my fault. Let's play 'So Fly!'"

B: "It's actually 'Shoo Fly'."

N: "Na, na, na...it's 'So Fly' cuz I'm soooo fly!"

This just in

Apparently, though widely used, "Mad Brick" is not the preferred term to describe cold weather. Instead, use the term "Brick City".

An Example:

"Yo, it be BRICK CITY up in here."

Two for One

Since these two entries are related by subject matter, I present here a double feature:

Not too many weeks ago, during the heart of the fall semester, I received a text message from a good friend of mine, Mr. S. Mr. S teaches music to entitled suburban kids. The text message is as follows:

"Just heard 'you beastin'!' in the hall"

As some readers may or may not recall, my students were using this slang almost exactly a year ago; entry dated 12/10/07.

Because my students are the innovators and early adopters of urban slang, I have access to the kind of colloquialisms suburban kids can only dream of. Here are this year's biggest hits (with translations provided):

"Yo, I'm NICE wid' it, son!" (That is something at which I demonstrate proficiency)

"It be MAD BRICK out!" (It is very cold outside)

This next one I have heard as a verb and an adjective:

"You B.P.in', mista" or "You mad B.P. mista!" (Mister, you present symptoms of being bi polar)

"Yo, I'm DEAD ASS, son!" (I am serious, son!)

Special K

The technology teacher at my school has developed an easy yet brilliant system of assigning his classwork: at the beginning of each class, students have an email in their inbox waiting for them. This email details the days assignment, and work is expected to be emailed back to the teacher, with the time stamp reading no later than the end of class. One assignment was to watch two short videos on the the internet (relevant to the current unit of study, compose a 300 word response, and email it back to the teacher. For K, an eighth grade girl, this assignment was apparently too much to handle. Her composition, in its entirety, is provided here:

"i cant do no 300 words!!!11! mybe 200 or sumthin but not 300 thas to many!!!!!"

Surprisingly enough, this email was timestamped late.

Like a...

The following story is borrowed from Ms. T; a first year science teacher. I've overheard students saying that she is "the second best science teacher" at our school; not a garish accolade for someone so new to the profession. Here is her account of a Friday morning (with a bit of my own terrible paraphrasing):

The 'Friday Questions' box was designed to deflect unrelated questions so as not to interrupt class. I wanted the students to know that I valued their interest
and curiosity, but was serious about keeping the flow and routine of my class. At the end of the week, I took 15 minutes from the beginning of class to answer the questions in the box.

The questions were as follows:
1. Why so serious all the time?
2. Why aren't you married?
3. When did you lose your virginity?

At this point in the story, Ms. T, playing the part of serious teacher, reprimands the class for the inappropriate nature of the questions. She tells them how disrespectful such an abuse of the question box is, and how disappointed she is in them for their lack of maturity. Then, a voice from the class:

"Does that mean you're still a virgin?"

Like a fine wine

In a sixth grade class...

Mr. F: "Why can't you ever listen!? I was only able to become a good musician because I listened to my teachers."

T: "Because we poor mista!"

Mr. F: "I don't think those two things are related. I was poor when I was your age, but I'm still a good musician."

T: "But yous like 40 years old now!"

I realize that many of the quotes from students are exclamatory statements. This is because they yell, with almost no exceptions, ALL of the time.

I am in my mid-20's, for the record.