Captain Africa

From an eighth grade personal narrative:

"Being Captain Africa is more than just raising your fist and yelling, 'Black Power!' in the hallways. It is also standing up for every person's rights, no matter what color their skin."


This narrative received a failing grade.

Student Highlight: Q

Normally, sixth grade students are given a few months in their elective classes. However, Q managed to be removed from music class in less than a month with remarkable ease. Some highlights that led to that debacle follow:

Mr. F: "Q, you need to sit down"

Q: "[Get] The f--- outta heah"

Mr. F: "Q, you can either sit down or go to the suspension room"

Q: "Nah nah nah" ("no no no")

Mr. F "Q, now you need to leave. Should I get security to take you?"

Q: "F--- you"


And scene.


A month or two later, Q was in a class that I was covering for a colleague. After just 45 minutes, Q managed to get himself suspended out of school for several weeks. Here's why:

"Mrs. F! You like boys! You like boys!"

"You gay Mr. F, you gay"

After uttering these nifty phrases, Q then shut the lights off, kicked a chair over, writhed on the floor, and screamed like a baby. Twice.

The new classics

It is difficult to keep up with all of the things the youngsters say these days, so here is an addendum to my original list:


"Mista, why you comin' mad hard?" (Why are you being so directive and firm with your
tone of voice?)


"You beastin' mista" (One of the many ways to say "You trippin")


"You fienden' mista" (Ditto)


"Why you actin' srurd?" (Ditto)


"Oh no son, you wilin'" (Ditto)


The only explanation that I can offer...I have many students that feel offended frequently...

Student Highlight: D

I'd like to introduce you to D. A sweet, young, harworking student, D usually never says more than he needs to, and is perhaps my most innocent student. While sharing his Thanksgiving experiences, he perhaps said a bit too much...


"We got up at 5 to cook the turkey at my aunt's house. And my mom cooked the turkey and then we ate the turkey and the bones. It was a big turkey, and there was a bunch of other food. We ate it all! Then my mom got drunk."

The classics

When addressing a student in my school, they are (it seems) required to respond with one of the following (accompanied by translation):


"You VIOLATIN' !" (You are insulting me.)


"No he di-ant!" (No he did not!)


"You trippin!" (You must be mistaken.)


"Dat's grimy" (That is disagreeable)


"I'm TIGHT" (I honestly don't know what this one means)


"You TIGHT" (Still don't know what it means)


As a general rule, the addition of the word "Son" the the end of these responses would also be appropriate.

Kids say the darndest things

While walking home to my apartment, I overheard this gem near the neighboring middle school:


"Well yeah I've seen a DICK before."

Be a man

Advisory is a class for every new sixth grader in the school. The teachers of advisory are supposed to help students become organized, learn life skills, and build a better school community. I felt that one particular topic that needed to be addressed was what defines a man. A, who can only be described as a 40 year old man trapped in a 4' 5" sixth graders body, felt that being a man was a rather complex affair:

"To be a man, you have to grow up, and have a car. And you need a job, and a pretty girl. A house too, and kids. And you have to put the food on the table."

From the mouths of babes

"Mr. F, I'm glad you're not a regular teacher. Because I give all my regular teachers a hard time, but you teach music, so it's cool."

Their words

After listening to some Gregorian chant, students were asked to write, using musical terms, whether or not they enjoyed the music...

"I don't like it, it has no hip-hop to it"


"It's iight. I can go 2 sleep 2 it."

And my personal favorite:

"No because there is no harmony and the dynamics is too soft also the tempo is really slow you can't get your head bumpin with it.

One Liners

From the mouths of students:

"I'm glad someone invented sleep. If we didn't sleep, we'd be tired all the time."
(Said during a discussion on the importance of sleep)



"Who is Christopher Columbus?"
(After asking a group of HIGH SCHOOL students what they did to celebrate Christopher Columbus Day)




"What is Chlamydia?"
(Asked without a prompt in science class)

The truth shall set you free

Overheard at school today:

"I can't sing. I'm not a singer, that's why I'm a musician."

Be careful what you wish for

Each teacher in my school must have a bulletin board outside of their classroom with demonstrates of student achievement. Outside of the seventh grade English and Language Arts classroom, I read what may be the best leading sentence since "A Tale of Two Cities":


"It was September 5th and me and my friend were making of this special ed kid from our block"


The narrative concludes by emphasizing the importance of always sticking by your friends.

Mixed Feelings

It is unclear whether or not this quote is funny, although it certainly serves as an apt summary of the school's situation:

"Mr. F, sorry about those boxes in your storage room. We ran out of space last year after graduation, so we had to throw those boxes somewhere, you know? We'll have the boxes taken out, though. They are just caps and gown, so they're light. The reason there are so many is because the school ordered a bunch for last year, but then there were so many students that didn't graduate that we had all of the extras. Don't worry, the boxes will be gone soon enough."

Yikes.

See me after class

An after class meeting with two disruptive female students went something like this:

Me: You cannot be talking in my class. I have to teach and you have to learn. If you're talking, there is no possible way you could be learning. It is very disrespectful to speak or play when a teacher is talking, and you were doing both. Don't disrespect me again in my class, or I will have to call home. Do you understand?

Female student 1: Yes.

Female student 2: Is that your natural eye color?

In the news

Recent "headlines" from the teacher's union newspaper:



"Union wins strong agreement, but district's implementation flawed"

"Department of Education efforts to increase therapists workloads defeated"

"Union criticizes state report on dangerous schools"

"Judge: paraprofessionals not required to attend faculty meetings"

"Union's fight for smaller classes continues"

"How to do the least amount of work that you are contractually obligated to do, while getting paid more to do it"


I may have fabricated the last one, but you get the idea.

Biting my tongue

This post may cater to a slightly esoteric and limited crowd of music majors, but nevertheless...

In a student's first trumpet lesson, regarding the topic of hand position, he was given this advice: (for those non-music majors reading, I have bolded the unsettling parts)

What you want to do now is put your pinkie in the pinkie ring on the top here. Good. That's because as you play, later on you'll use that pinkie to pull the trumpet towards your face to create pressure. Excellent.

Helping or Hurting?

One of my three APs, attempting to help me fashion my discipline procedures to mirror school policy, had this to suggest:

"When you do remove a student from class activity, try to have something else for him to work on alone, to occupy his time. For instance, any make-up classwork, any homework, or any work from your music textbook. Wait, are there such things as music textbooks?"

Let him who is without sin cast the first stone

When discussing the regional differences in rap music, one student offered this criticism of southern rap:

"But they ain't say they words right!"

It was said without any sense of irony.

80% of success...

An informative conversation with my AP during the second week of school went something like this:

AP: Mr. F, how has attendance been in your classes?

Mr. F: Well, first period has been a little rough. Out of 15 students, I've had 5 show up. 4. Really more like 4.

AP: Oh. Well, you should probably try calling homes. Actually, just give me the names of the students who are absent. No, on second thought, just wait on it. We are still figuring things out in the office. Some of those students probably don't even go here anymore, or they transferred, or they dropped out. We just don't know. We'll have it sorted out by the third or fourth week of school.

Mr. F: So what happens next?

AP: Well, sometime soon, hopefully schoolwide attendance will get above 80%, and then we can get things moving.

Mr. F: Right.

Ebonic Mnemonic

Concerning the treble clef,
The way I learned it:

Every Good Bird Does Fly



The urban version:

Elephants Got Big Dirty Feet



I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

The ties that bind them

In the middle of my first conversation with F, he willingly disclosed this incriminating information (which I have paraphased to the best of my recollection):

I do things my way. That's why a lot of people here don't like me. They tell me Frank, you're too honest. But why am I gonna talk to you if I don't like you? The only thing I would say is, "I don't like you". But people don't like that. Like my wife. With me, its always family first. She tells me I'm too honest. She had two deaths in her family this year, and so yeah, I'm home every night after work to see her. She grieves in her own way. She asks why I don't cry. I do things my way remember? So family first, I'll be there for her and we'll eat dinner and I'm home with her, but I won't cry. I mean, I have the girlfriend on the side, but it's still family first. My girlfriend is moving Florida, and wants me to visit. What's Frank's rule? My way. Sorry, I'm not going. And my ex-wife lives in Florida, so my wife wouldn't want me traveling there, because she'd think I was visiting her. So I said to my girlfriend, lets go to London. She doesn't want to go to London. I told her, I do things my way, no London? Bye! But yeah, family first.

Purpose

To make light of what may potentially be a bleak and frustrating year of teaching music in an urban school.