Through the grapevine

C, a sixth grade student in my advisory, was VERY concerned about the following discussion. To give some context, it occurred an hour or so after issuing several detentions and referrals to my sixth grade band class.

C: (with caution) "Mr. F, I heard some kids say somethin' about you"

Mr. F: "Was is about how much they liked me?"

C: (seriously) No...

Mr. F: Well then what was it? I won't get mad.

C: (continuing to be serious) I didn't say it! They just said that...you...

Mr. F: What?

C: I don't wanna get in trouble...

Mr. F: It's fine, you can tell me.

C: (with hesitation) They said Mr F. be fiendin'...but I didn't! I just heard it!

Mr. F: And that's it?

C: But I didn't say you were fiendin', they did...

Gettin' Tipsy

Here is another 6th grade advisory adventure:

B: "And then we had wine. Well I didn't, but my mom did. She didn't get drunk, though, because you can't get drunk on wine."

R: "Yes you can!"

B: "Not uh! Only beer gets you drunk!"

R: "No, wine can too"

B: "Women can't get drunk on wine! Only beer!"

He that is called "I am"

You may recall A, our 4'5" sixth grader, from November. He takes a good deal of pride in his beliefs, as is evident from these comments:


Teacher: For God's sake, can you be quiet?
A: "Why do you have to bring God into it!? He's our father! God's our father! Don't bring him into it!"

A, responding to the praise of another student: "Why is everyone always saying things to him!? He's not perfect! Jesus was perfect. He's not Jesus! D isn't perfect. Jesus is!"

If I were a better writer, I would be able to describe how difficult suppressing the urge to erupt into laughter is in these situations. I would also be able to describe A's earnest face and animated hand gestures. If I were a better writer, that is.

Short but sweet

When asked about why she consistently gets into trouble, V could only say this:

"I don't know! Why is Ms. Smith always ridin' my monkey!?"

That just happened

After seeing the same high school "seniors" wandering the hall day after day without attending class, I confronted them for what is surely the last time:

Mr. F: "Why do you even bother showing up if you're just going to skip?"

Student: (without stopping)"Shut up."


That's it.

Passing Notes, Part 2

This was actually a note written to me by D, a seventh grade girl. Grammar, punctuation and spelling have not been altered in any way:

Aly keep on trying to play me in music class saying stuff like you need to shut up and you talk to f*** much so I got mad and I said do you wanna take it in the hallway she said no so I left it at that and she keep on going on with her mouth so I left before I hit Her. and mr f also ask me to leave too cause I was arguing with her. also in the middle of class I started to play and not talk alot until Aly comment come out her mouth.

D

Teacher's Choice

I would not believe that I have said some of these things had I not been there to hear them. Most of these have been said to middle school students. Continuing a trend of less humorous posts, these are a actually a little tragic, and sadly, they have all been uttered too frequently.


"No, no. I'm sorry. I'm not listening to you. What you have to say is not important to me right now."

"Why do you continue to think that you make the rules in my room? You can follow my rules or you can get OUT."

"It is time for you to shut your MOUTH."

"Mr. F said your seat is THERE. No, no. Mr. F said. Mr. F said. End of discussion."

(while pointing at student) "Student."
(while pointing at self) "Teacher".
Repeat as necessary. A reminder of what grade the student is in can also be helpful, accompanied of course by more pointing.

My last phrase is actually a theme with variations:

Theme: "You're not sorry."

Variation 1: "You're not sorry. You're only sorry because I said something"

Variation 2: "You're not sorry. You will be, but you're not."

Variation 3: "You're not sorry. Sorry implies something completely different than what you are."

Variation 4: "You're not sorry. Next time, say, 'I did it on purpose', because then you would be telling the truth."

Variation 5: "You're not sorry. Next time, say, "I don't care', because then you would be telling the truth."

Wise beyond their years

Upon approaching a group of notoriously late high school students in the hallway, I decided to figure out the motivation behind their tardiness. This isn't funny so much as enlightening.

Mr. F: You guys are amazing. Really.

Group: What?

Mr. F: I mean really. You have perfected the art of the slow walk. I'm not even sure that it's physically possible for me to walk that slowly.

Group: Mista, you got long legs. We can't walk that fast.

Mr. F: M, you're taller than I am. Look, this is how easily you can walk at a normal speed. (Demonstrates walking normally)

Group: But mista, there's a difference between us.

Mr. F: What is that?

Group: You care about where you're going. We don't. And we'll get there eventually. Sometime.