Like a...

The following story is borrowed from Ms. T; a first year science teacher. I've overheard students saying that she is "the second best science teacher" at our school; not a garish accolade for someone so new to the profession. Here is her account of a Friday morning (with a bit of my own terrible paraphrasing):

The 'Friday Questions' box was designed to deflect unrelated questions so as not to interrupt class. I wanted the students to know that I valued their interest
and curiosity, but was serious about keeping the flow and routine of my class. At the end of the week, I took 15 minutes from the beginning of class to answer the questions in the box.

The questions were as follows:
1. Why so serious all the time?
2. Why aren't you married?
3. When did you lose your virginity?

At this point in the story, Ms. T, playing the part of serious teacher, reprimands the class for the inappropriate nature of the questions. She tells them how disrespectful such an abuse of the question box is, and how disappointed she is in them for their lack of maturity. Then, a voice from the class:

"Does that mean you're still a virgin?"

Like a fine wine

In a sixth grade class...

Mr. F: "Why can't you ever listen!? I was only able to become a good musician because I listened to my teachers."

T: "Because we poor mista!"

Mr. F: "I don't think those two things are related. I was poor when I was your age, but I'm still a good musician."

T: "But yous like 40 years old now!"

I realize that many of the quotes from students are exclamatory statements. This is because they yell, with almost no exceptions, ALL of the time.

I am in my mid-20's, for the record.

Retro-activitsm

A memo concerning budget cuts, dated November 14th, contained the following helpful pieces of information:

- Money allocated to a department is not guaranteed

- Money not spent by November 10th will be affected by the budget cut

Job Security

Every teacher, tenured or not, must be observed by an administrator a minimum four times per year. Because I was only observed one time as a first year teacher, my administrators this year are making a great effort to actually do what is legally required of them. I mention this only because I recently had a pre-observation conference with one of my administrators, which is supposed to set up the observation expectations of both parties. Here is how it began:

Administrator: "Now, Mr. F., I don't want you to think it's odd that I'm starting the pre-ob with this, as if we're trying to get rid of you. But, as you know, your position is in excess, and I just wanted to ask, how is the job search going?"

A note: "in excess" is school-talk for "We don't want to pay you anymore, but we have to wait until someone else hires you before we can stop doing so."

Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?

J is very excited to be in music, so I was shocked when one day he sat quietly with no mouthpiece and an unopened saxophone case. Because lack of preparation negatively affects students' grades (not the mention their music education), I decided to see what the problem was:

Mr. F: "So J, why no mouthpiece today?"

J: "Well...it got crushed."

Mr. F: "How did it get crushed?"

J: "Last Thursday."

(pause)

Mr. F: "Okay...that's WHEN it was crushed. HOW did it get crushed?"

J: "Well it's in the garbage now."

Mr. F: "Okay...that's WHERE it is. HOW did it get crushed?"

J: "Oh. It's probably in the incinerator."

(pause)

Mr. F: "J, listen very, very carefully. HOW, as in what happened, to crush your saxophone mouthpiece?"

J: "Well I just threw it out after it was crushed!"

(pause)

Mr. F (face in hands): "J, did it get hit by a car? Did something heavy fall on it? Did someone heavy jump on it?"

J: "It's in the garbage now, I don't know!"


I would finish the rest of the transcript, except it carries on for far too long with no results. I still have no idea what actually happened. It has been suggested that he was lying, but he was so earnest about the whole ordeal that I don't believe that to be true.