Sinners in the Hands of an Angry Band Teacher

In the same day, I found these two notes in instrument cases. They were left for future instrumentalists to discover, but only well after the identity of the authors could ever be discovered. In a way, they each contain the same gospel, though one speaks of fire and brimstone and the other of love and compassion...

"Dear L:

Treat this clarinet well, and I will reward you!
Love,
God"

"You better take care of this sax! If you break it, I will hunt you down and kill you. (Don't be the next H and show this to Mr. V.)
from,
Jesus"

Both the clarinet and saxophone were and still are broken.

Why so serious?

A revelation

(After listening to "Fanfare for the Common Man"):

S: "Are we going to play this song!? It was totally awesome!"
Mr. F (brief transition from chuckling to out-loud laughter): "No! This piece, not song, is way too hard for us."
A: "Hey! Did you just laugh?"
Mr. F: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh at you, it's just that this is a really hard piece of music..."
A: "No I don't care about that. We've just never heard you laugh before."

Clever Girl

This note was taken off of a student during PM homeroom last week:

"KICK ME!!

Don't tell me this is on my back!"

I didn't.

Going Postal

For my annual Cleff sentence competition (which readers may recall from the past two years), I had two winners. I may add that these winners are not nearly as satisfying (for me, at least) as the past two years.

for Treble Clef:

Everyone Goes Berserk Dangerously Fast

for Bass Clef:

Get Bad Dads Far Away

Nothin' but a G thang

Some of you may be aware of my story and some of you may not. Sadly (if only for the quality of the contents of this blog), my tenure at a mediocre urban school has ended. I have moved on to what one might consider a "functional" school where students "learn" and teachers don't "hate" their lives. However, as I am still teaching kids ages 11 - 14, some of them are still poised to say the darndest things...

Here, I am getting orientation advice from an older student on how to help sixth graders:

Mr. F: "So, what would you tell a new sixth grader who asks what to do when he's lost? The building is big and scary."

G: "Well, I will tell them to do what I did, and that's that if you get lost, just follow the smart kids. You know, like the Asian ones. And you'll be fine."

Welcome back.

School's Out Forever

This past Friday was my last day of employment at my current (former?) school. Next year, I will be at a very different school in the very same city (this departure is on good terms for all parties involved). I don't plan on composing a summary of my experiences, nor do I have a culminating experience that typifies my tenure at the school. But this, my second year of blogging, began with an administrator, and here, 10 months later, ends with one as well:

A.P.: "Next year will be good for Mister F because he'll finally have a real job with real responsibilities."

Class dismissed.

Failblog

The end of the semester would be an appropriate time for another "Fun With Numbers" entry, but I find that the calculations are both depressing and redundant; many students fail my (and other) classes. That is old news. To keep things interesting, I recently asked colleagues for the various ways in which they have let students know that they had failed. Important pieces of information to keep in mind are that my school gives numerical grades,that anything below 65 is a failing grade, and that 55 is the lowest possible grade.

For occasions when a student speaks multiple languages:

"How do you say 'fifty-five' in (language here)? I want to get it right when your parents come up to school."

"How do you say 'Summer School' in (language here)?"

For other situations:

"Why are you asking what his grade is? His sixty has nothing to do with your fifty-five. You earned them separately."

"When your parents get your report card and ask why your grades are so bad, all you'll be able to say is, 'I plead the fifty-fifth!'"

"Tell me again, what grade is it you'll be repeating next year?"

"Hey, hey, don't worry about trying so hard right now. Just relax, because we'll have plenty of time to try again next semester."

I have only inserted one of my own. However, I have certainly borrowed almost all of these at one time or another.