On the seventh day

It is the policy of my school that teachers cannot assign homework due on or immediately following any religious holiday or ceremony. Because the school has a religiously diverse student body, this can sometimes be a planning nightmare. I was initially worried after assigning a project that was due on a day I thought was religion free:

Mr. F: "Where is F? He isn't here to hand in his project?"

R: "Yeah, he's not here because he's practicing his freedom of religion."

Mr. F: "Oh no! Was today a holiday I forgot about? I was so sure it wasn't..."

R: "Well not exactly. He just texted me and he's at home religiously observing his XBox."

Always worth it!

I've known for a while now that R is one of those 6th graders who is so weird that it would be impossible for him not to end up on this blog eventually. Sure enough, I found this in the "comments" section of his most recent practice log:

"In my playing quiz, you said my articulation is BAD, but it is not. My tonguing is crisp like bud light."

I'm sure he'll have more to come.

"I'm only in this song because I'm a..."

After returning from vacation, my 6th grade enrichment class shared interesting stories from their breaks. After the entire class was dismissed, M, came up to me and was nothing short of ebullient while describing the following "interesting" story:

M: "I meant to tell this in class! So, I was with my dad, and we were in line, and he has zipper pockets to keep stuff in. So the guy at the counter was like, 'Oh, that's 20 dollars,' so my dad pulls put his credit card from the zipper. Then, he puts it back in the zipper. And the guy was like, 'Can I see your ID?', so my dad unzipped his other pocket and took out his ID. When he went to put it back in his other pocket, his credit card was missing! So we asked the guy if he had it, and he didn't. So we looked around, and it wasn't on the ground. And then my dad turns to the guy behind us in line, who was black, and asked why he took it. And he got really mad and was like, "I didn't take it!". And it turns out he wasn't a thief, he was just a black guy next to us in line! My dad found it in his other pocket later."


You can bet I was relieved!

Theory of Relativity...

...as explained by eighth grader K in the "comments" section of her practice log:

"Why is it that 40 mins on facebook goes by so quickly, but 40 minutes of practicing seems like an eternity?"


It seems that although she is young, she is certainly ready for the demands of college.

Passing Notes Part...5?

This note was confiscated in a second grade music classroom, sometime before recess and after morning snack:


"L,

Come to the bathroom at recess for sex.

Bring chips and drinks.
- D"

This is obviously not my story, since I don't teach elementary school. If nothing else, however, this story demonstrates the power of pedagogue networking.

The Student Has Become the Master

During the few years of teaching at my previous school, I had the privilege of teaching a very talented young man. This young man, who is now filming a television show in which he has a starring role, has been in several feature films and it is quite possible you have seen him in something before. In the years I taught him, I really did not teach him much because by that time, he had been in both feature films and Broadway shows. However, in an effort to look good in front of my new students, and when it was relevant, I tried to casually imply a positive correlation between my teaching and being famous:

F: "Hey, have you ever seen that movie _____ ? It's Awesome!"
Mr. F: "Actually, I taught one of the stars in that movie. Remember the character _____ ? He was a student of mine."
F: "Wow! That's awesome! And he was in that TV show ______ too!"
Mr. F: "Yeah, and he was in my band. No big deal."

(Pause)

K: "So wait, doesn't that mean your students are like, more successful than you are? That kinda sucks."

Yeah, it kinda does.

Sinners in the Hands of an Angry Band Teacher

In the same day, I found these two notes in instrument cases. They were left for future instrumentalists to discover, but only well after the identity of the authors could ever be discovered. In a way, they each contain the same gospel, though one speaks of fire and brimstone and the other of love and compassion...

"Dear L:

Treat this clarinet well, and I will reward you!
Love,
God"

"You better take care of this sax! If you break it, I will hunt you down and kill you. (Don't be the next H and show this to Mr. V.)
from,
Jesus"

Both the clarinet and saxophone were and still are broken.